When my husband and I started dating in 2017, I essentially became a mom overnight. At the time when we first got together, my bonus son’s biological mother was still involved. Before he started school and while he was still in daycare, he went to her place more often during the week. After he started school and some other events, my husband got an official custody order that granted him full physical and legal custody and gave the biological mom three weekends a month, per my husband’s discretion.
Essentially, becoming a mom, even a stepmom, overnight has still to this day been difficult. I was raised in a pretty strict house; expectations for me were made very clear from an early age. My husband was practically a latchkey kid; his parents had the mindset that as long as he wasn’t causing property damage, hurting himself, or hurting someone else, then it didn’t really matter. This difference in childhoods have caused some problems; my husband is more laid back about things then I am.
Which brings me to my tip for parents and new stepparents: pick your battles. Not everything is a hill worth dying on. I’ll be very honest, this is still something I struggle with today. My husband takes the stance that if his son gets an attitude but still gets up to do the task he was asked to do, then the attitude should be forgotten. I was raised in a house where you don’t talk back to your parents, and an attitude is addressed. I once lost my bedroom for about a month at the age of 14 because i kept slamming it shut and my father had told me if I contrinued to slam it I’d loose that priviliage. A good example of this is Thursday, my bonus son got an attitude when I told him he needed to be in his online classes and not just do the assignment. He fussed and argued, but eventually got up and signed in to his next class. I asked my husband if we were going to address the attitude, and my husband asked me if the kid was doing what he was asked, if he is then we could let it go.
This mindset is hard for me to understand because when I was a kid, any attitude I ever got with my parents were immedately addressed. Picking your battles will save you lots of headaches and give you a quieter home, but you have to make sure that you and your partner sit down and discuss what is going to be allowed to slide and what is going to be addressed.
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